So drunk its hurt
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
