We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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