Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
