My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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