It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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