No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
