He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
