Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
