Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
