I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
