Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
