Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
