I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your cock deserves a montage
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
