she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
