How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
