I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
