Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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