Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
