sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do herpes really smell.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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