I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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