I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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