Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
