I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
