My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
