I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
