I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
