Can i not drive my cunt home
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
