i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
