Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
its liver damage thursday
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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