Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
