if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
