so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
