Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
