so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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