everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
