omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
