Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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