so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
