So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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