In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
