Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
