She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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