there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
