Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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