I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
