the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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