Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
