Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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