I looked at my own cervix.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
