I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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