i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
