Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
