What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
