Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
