Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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