Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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