i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
